He first tries to fat-shame his stepmom, but Roose doesn’t fall for it. “This isn’t a strange place,” she explains. But how’s Daario going to take this? Ellaria Sand seeks revenge for Oberyn's death. Ser Jorah’s gets greyscale! Instead, it’s Theon in all his reeky glory. It’s like everything she’s saying is okay, but the delivery is off. Meanwhile Dany is in her throne room, looking really pissed about Ser Barristan getting murdered last week. “You remember what happens to people who bore me.”. She’s even asking Missandei what to do. They drift toward the ruins of Valyria, the former capital of the Valyrian empire and Daenerys’ ancestral home. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Later, Dany ponders her dilemma. Miranda chomps on his lip proving how non-boring she is. And instead of writing this week’s recap leisurely over the course of a few days leading up to the telecast—punctuated by celebratory rounds of Jameson and checking obscure Thrones-ian facts via the The Wiki of Ice and Fire—I jammed to draft this tonight and I’m just praying I didn’t misspell Daenerys Targaryen (there’s always more ‘e’s than you think there are!). She decides to re-open the fighting pits, recognizing that she misstepped there. The fifth season of the fantasy drama television series Game of Thrones premiered on HBO … Sansa cycles through emotions: It’s an old friend from my childhood! They’ve bonded a little. For a moment I’m concerned Drogon is going to swoop down and roast him for a snack. I’m going to check the MLS for new listings in the pyramid district—it’s so tough to find modest-sized pyramids with lots of light and not too many stairs. Miranda compliments her dress and critiques the stitching and makes unnerving comments about Sansa’s mother. And this is exactly what Dany does. And how did Missandei end up with a better boyfriend than Daenerys? It’s like they’re being forced to walk the plank, but instead of sharks and water, there are dragons and fire. Tormund will go to try and get them to join, but he needs Jon to come with him. Or they could waddle up and give one of these guys a great big happy lick and totally blow her whole fearsome image. Next week: Save the date, it’s Sansa and Ramsay’s wedding. Ramsay is not amused by this: “Jealousy is boring,” he says. This is pretty risky for Daenerys because she doesn’t really know how her dragons are going to react because she can’t actually control them. So Jon meets with Tormund and proposes a deal with him. Anyway, she’s pregnant! © Copyright 2020 Meredith Corporation. HBO's epic fantasy drama based on George R.R. The season 5 Thrones poster has come to life. Roose takes some delight in telling his son he’s the product of him raping a peasant and that he almost threw his infant body into the river. Or maybe watching Mance get horribly burned to death softened him up a tad. At this point, we’re all yelling at Sansa to not be a fool, but she goes into a dark scary tunnel anyway. Martin's novel series 'A Song of Ice and Fire. Jon announces his plan to the Night’s Watch. Arya arrives in Braavos. So I approached this hour like Littlefinger appraising Ramsay: I know very little about you, which makes you quite a rare thing. No matter, they’re really happy together and that’s what counts. Game of Thrones season 6 finale recap: The Winds of Winter, Game of Thrones premiere recap: The Red Woman, Game of Thrones recap: Book of the Stranger, Game of Thrones season 5 finale recap: 'Mother's Mercy', 'Game of Thrones' recap: 'The Dance of Dragons', Game of Thrones recap: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. The season 5 Thrones poster has come to life. Entertainment Weekly is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation All Rights Reserved. Have we ever had a non-battle episode with so many major characters off stage? But wait, he killed Bran and Rickon! Ramsay decides that Theon will give away Sansa at their wedding. Roose has his wife Walda make an announcement. “Kill the boy, Jon Snow,” Aemon says, “and let the man be born.” A blind 100-year-old guy is literally telling Jon to man up. Now Dany is really never going to sleep with him. Castle Black: Jon goes to Maester Aemon for advice because he wants to try and get the Wildlings to fight with the Night’s Watch. ', Credit: Anyway, Tyrion and Ser Jorah drifting through this lost ancient world is probably the closest scene we’ve had in Thrones to feeling like we’re in Middle Earth. There’s a tense fight on the boat since they can’t touch their diseased attackers that ends with Tyrion going over the side. Let’s think about this: Sansa already is having to hang out in a castle full of memories of her family … with the psychotic family that killed her mother and older brother … and now she discovers the man who “killed” her younger brothers is there, too! We’re half expecting Hannibal Lecter in that last cell (actually, I was half expecting her mother’s severed head). Rowboat: Tyrion gripes about his forced sobriety, though we can’t help but think this accidental detox is the best thing for him. It’s definitely a fixer-upper now. Miranda tells Sansa to go look in the last dog kennel for another thing to help her remember her murdered mother. Is this the end of the episode? Tyrion sees a dragon! Vesuvius). Because how else are you going to react to a dragon other than giving it a good gape? How can that possibly go wrong? Later, Brienne’s secret message that she gave to an extremely shifty eyed innkeeper is delivered to Sansa by a similarly shifty servant: If Sansa’s ever in trouble, she’s to light a candle and put it in the highest window of the broken tower. We start with Ramsay’s lover Miranda being annoyed. As he thought, it doesn’t go over very well, though the highlight of the scene is Stannis getting perturbed at one protestor’s poor grammar. Jaime takes on a secret mission. Of course, Theon didn’t really kill her brothers, he just killed two orphan boys and pretended they were Starks, but she doesn’t know that. 10 funny mockumentaries to remind us about the absurdity of life, Family-friendly Halloween films for boos big and small, Ser Jorah actor Iain Glen talking about that greyscale. Right Thrones? But no, Drogon sails by, apparently having other dragon-y things to do. Books on making tough decisions will tell you that people often feel trapped between a lousy Option A and a lousy Option B. He confesses to Missandei that he was afraid when bleeding out in the alley. And the most annoying part is, they’re all being pretty nice to her, so she can’t even react normally to anything that’s happening. He looking stunned: Wait, I’m going to go from being burned alive by dragons to banging the Breaker of Chains? As much as we hate to root for infanticide, Westeros would be a better place if Roose had done it. Nearly all Thrones characters have nicknames and hers is Fat Walda, which is probably the least clever nickname out there. “Thankfully the suitor is already on his knees,” she quips disdainfully. I want Sansa to reply right now: “Got a candle?” But instead she just kinda nods: Sure, okay, good to know. They’re on a beach. Ramsay is having so much fun playing host. Sansa storms out of there, pretty horrified. While Hizdahr is the luckiest man in Meereen. Suddenly their boat is attacked by the Stone Men—outcasts afflicted with greyscale that makes them basically look like Fantastic Four’s Thing. There’s a pretty sunset. Meanwhile, Melisandre has absolutely nothing to do in this episode than to look annoyed at Jon for rejecting her last week. Check out our interview with Ser Jorah actor Iain Glen talking about that greyscale twist. Tyrion gapes at the dragon. We start to panic, having Sopranos series finale flashbacks. But there is, of course, no easy answer to her question. To crank up the fantasy backdrop even more, Tyrion spots something flying—It’s Drogon! But if Walda has a son, he would be a proper son born between two noble houses, which could make things … murky. Was he shot by a Stone Man in a Member’s Only jacket? Let’s break down “Kill the Boy”: Meereen: Grey Worm is unconscious in bed. Tyrion is being woken up by Ser Jorah. Even little Ollie, who practically worships Jon, is really upset. 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